Take two?
Ethan is 3 ½ - so everyone wants to know when we are going to have more kids. Yeah, I would like to know also. While it was never very likely that we would conceive without intervention – we have been trying for over 2 years. We have not used any preventative measures since Ethan was about a year old. Well – obviously no luck. So, we are at a crossroads of what to do next. Only child? Back to the fertility dr? Adoption? And let me tell you – everyone has an opinion ;0)
Only child- not my favorite option. I would love for Ethan to have a little sibling. I don’t “feel” that our family is complete. That being said – I would be fine if it was just the 3 of us. We have a good thing going.
Fertility dr - Yes, it worked the first time. However - That is no guarantee that it would work again – or so quickly. Insurance does not cover most of this expense – and it is EXPENSIVE. (Each “round” of the drugs alone was about $800 and that is the European price – not the cost of buying it in the US. ) As I said, we were lucky and got pregnant on the second month – many people do not. Also – there is the chance of high order multiples. (Think John and Kate Plus 8)
Adoption – I am adopted so I always said that I wanted to adopt a child. I have zero doubt about loving or having our family love an adopted child just as they would a biological one. However, money is a real issue – adoption ranges from $15,000 to $30,000 or more). And…there is also no guarantee that we would place with a child. So……
I get so tired of people telling me that a child would be “worth any amount of money”. Yeah, I get that – that is really not the issue. We just don’t have that kind of money lying around. Yes, there are loans out there and some grants – but we would not qualify for many of them because we do already have one child. It hurts my heart when people think that we have not started either process because we don’t want to spend the money – right now it is just about figuring out how we are going to get the money. Most people don’t have to choose between a retirement account and starting a family. We don’t know what path we are going to take. We are weighing options, talking, researching and PRAYING. Yes, we are 34 (and 33) – but we still have time – we are not that old!
Venting and thinking. (AKA My two cents)
Infertility sucks. If you have not dealt with it – you don’t get it. Period. Just like I don’t understand things I have not gone through – you don’t either. Being told that your basic “lady” parts don’t work right sucks. I would like a refund of the years of condoms and birth control pills!!! Drugs and shots and tests and hormones and all of that sucks. Don’t tell me that you had to try for “x” months before you got pregnant. You got pregnant didn’t you?
Infertility is hard on a marriage. Finding a way to pay for it is hard (many people get 2nd or 3rd mortgages, deplete savings, cash out IRAs etc. to pay for this) Having to make love at a certain time takes the spontaneity out of your life – ‘cause you have to do it even if you are not in the mood, or if you are sick, or if you are mad at the other person …you don’t want to “waste” that money or that months worth of drugs. There are hormones (ok, that was me) and blame and wondering. I am lucky – Jason never once said anything that was not 100% supportive…he never outwardly blamed me. Maybe he did in his head – but that never was spoken. I am lucky – our marriage is stronger now. This showed me what an amazing man I married and what we can handle. (He got up at 6:30 every morning to give me my shot ;0)) He kept track of my apts. So he could be there, he knew what drugs I was on etc. It mad us have hard conversations that we may not have had if we would have gotten pregnant right away, on our own. He was truly my partner in the experience and I believe that made us better.
I (still) have to bit my tongue when people CONSTANTLY complain about being pregnant – you know what ? I would give anything to be in that position. I still get jealous when people around me get pregnant. Esp. those “fertile myrtle” types who don’t even have to try! I hate it when people ask me if we are going to have more – b/c then I have to spell out the whole story for them. Then I have to hear how worth it it is. Yes, I know that. Trust me, I do. I get mad a God sometimes. I get mad at my uterus sometimes. And, some days I am glad I only have one boy running around. Do I want to go back to work full time in order to save money to pay for this – I don’t know. Do we want to adopt? Do we want to go back to the dr? I just don’t know. We have had some great conversations about it lately – but I still don’t know.
I believe that God has/knows the plan. I believe that all things happen for a reason and in the perfect timing for God’s plan. I would not take back our experience for anything. I am glad I had the experience of being pregnant - It was perfect. If we have another member of our family someday – that will happen in it’s perfect way also. I just have to remember that. It is about our journey – not anyone else’s.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
From Infertility to Ethan....part 1
Many of you know our story – but some of you don’t. Some of you care and some of you don’t – and I am ok with that ;0) This is the story of how Ethan got here and what is next.
This post stems from reading an article that a friend sent me about infertility and how people deal with it. It really hit me hard – because I know first hand how it feels to deal with infertility. (and because everyone wants to know if we are having more kids)
http://www.self.com/health/2010/08/breaking-the-silence-on-infertility?currentPage=1
The story of Ethan:
Way before Jason and I got married – we started talking about kids – how many we wanted, when we wanted to start a family etc. That normal conversation that couples have when they start talking about the future.. I always had the “feeling” that getting pregnant might not be easy for me – don’t ask why – just one of those things. So we talked about the possibility of adopting – I have always said I wanted to adopt a child. ( IF you don’t know already, I am adopted.) I wanted to make sure that he was ok with that.
When we got married – we were 24 and 25 – and we wanted to wait a while and “be married” before we had kids. So we did. We hung out together, we worked, traveled, Jason finished college , I finished my graduate degree and we built our little life. I am SOOO glad we did that! Then – around my 27th b-day we decided that we wanted to start our family. So….we started trying….and trying….and trying. After a few months I went to my GYN and she said – “Oh, just keep trying”. No luck. Every month when I got my period – I felt like a failure. Women are supposed to get pregnant – that is just how it is! Seems like a lot of people do it when they don’t even want to! Anytime I was tired or didn’t feel well – I would pray it meant that I was pregnant. Everyone told me – “Oh, just don’t stress out and it will happen”. Well guess what, it didn’t. And – everyone else was getting pregnant – all of our friends. Everywhere I looked there were pregnant ladies. There were times I would cry every time I saw a pregnant women – or heard someone complaining about being pregnant. Don’t get me wrong – I was so happy and excited for our friends – but there is also envy and anger that comes along when others have something you want so badly.
So after almost 2 years of trying my doctor suggested I go to see a fertility specialist – they call themselves “reproductive endocrinologists”. (She also suggested we try 3 rounds of Chlomid – so we did that also – yeah, that was not so much fun. I felt foggy all the time! Didn’t work anyway! ) So, after doing some research , we settled on a doctor and off I went. For some reason, Jason could not make it to my first appointment - I was terrified, depressed and just sad to have to be there. However, the doctor (and his staff) were great. He was reassuring and confident that he would be able to figure out our issues and did not speak down to me. So, lots of tests and blood work later – we found out that we did, in fact, have fertility issues. Now there were things to talk about and decisions to be made. We finally decided to go ahead and give the fertility treatments a try for a few months to see what happened. The next few months would turn out to be some of the most difficult of our marriage “so far”, but also some of the best – but more on that later. After 2 rounds of treatment – I got pregnant! I was very luck – many people have to try much longer. After the first trimester - My pregnancy was pretty normal – a few issues here and there but nothing major. Then, on Dec. 22, 2007 our son was born. Our lives would never be the same in the most wonderful and amazing way.
The story of Ethan – part 2…
I am pretty sure most of you don’t want the details about our issues - so the “light” version is that I have “distressed mucous” - so (simplified) – the sperm just were not getting where they needed to go. Also – Jason’s swimmers are slightly on the slow side – though that itself would not cause an issue. How did we figure this out you ask? Tests, lots and lots of tests. But, once we knew what was wrong – we could move forward. Our first “step” was to try medication and IUI (Intrauterine Insemination). The first month – I was on quite a cocktail of medication – but none of the “heavy duty” fertility meds. This process is all about timing – and when I went in it was “time” to start the meds and we did not have time to get the other ones. Then next weeks were a blur of meds, doctors visits, and Ovulation testing. Once I had a positive ovulation test – off to the dr. I went for the procedure. Then we had to wait….2 weeks….seriously??? Anyway, the test was negative…did not work. We were devastated.
The article talked about how these couples were hiding their treatments from their families because they did not want anyone else emotionally invested in the process. I kinda understand that – I made Jason call everyone and tell them it did not work. We were not going to have a baby. I just could not handle having to tell everyone that new. The article also talks about treatment not working being as sad as losing a loved one….while I am not sure about that. I was devastated. I will never forget sitting in Jason’s lap in our Lazy boy and just crying. Why didn’t it work? Why us? He was devastated also and would have done anything to make me feel better (looking back that would have been the perfect time to ask for a new car or a vacation ;0)) Anyway, we had to decide pretty quickly if we wanted to do this again the next month. After a LOT of discussion – we did.
This time included more medicine and all of the heavy fertility meds. (Getting these meds is another funny story I will have to tell you at a later time). Anyway, during this round I was on about 15 different meds ranging from baby aspirin and garlic to twice daily injections. I had to go to the Dr. every other day to check my “egg growth”. When I finally ovulated it was back to the dr. for another round of insemination. (It is funny, this time Jason and his sister were on the way to a memorial service – so I can always tell Ethan that his Aunty Pumpkin was in the waiting room when he was conceived) Another 2 week wait…..brutal. Then, finally, two weeks after the procedure I went for the blood test – and took the day off work to wait. Jason came home at noon so we would be together when we heard. While I will never have a story about taking a pregnancy test – I do have the story of the nurse calling us Mommy and Daddy Sinykin! POSITIVE!!!!
The “fun” was not over…for the first 3 months I was on Progesterone and heparin shots (2x a day) to make sure that little Ethan’s new home had plenty of hormones and blood flow to keep him happy! With the exception of some VERY early ultrasounds and a few minor issues at the end – the rest of my pregnancy was normal. We had our little Ethan .
This post stems from reading an article that a friend sent me about infertility and how people deal with it. It really hit me hard – because I know first hand how it feels to deal with infertility. (and because everyone wants to know if we are having more kids)
http://www.self.com/health/2010/08/breaking-the-silence-on-infertility?currentPage=1
The story of Ethan:
Way before Jason and I got married – we started talking about kids – how many we wanted, when we wanted to start a family etc. That normal conversation that couples have when they start talking about the future.. I always had the “feeling” that getting pregnant might not be easy for me – don’t ask why – just one of those things. So we talked about the possibility of adopting – I have always said I wanted to adopt a child. ( IF you don’t know already, I am adopted.) I wanted to make sure that he was ok with that.
When we got married – we were 24 and 25 – and we wanted to wait a while and “be married” before we had kids. So we did. We hung out together, we worked, traveled, Jason finished college , I finished my graduate degree and we built our little life. I am SOOO glad we did that! Then – around my 27th b-day we decided that we wanted to start our family. So….we started trying….and trying….and trying. After a few months I went to my GYN and she said – “Oh, just keep trying”. No luck. Every month when I got my period – I felt like a failure. Women are supposed to get pregnant – that is just how it is! Seems like a lot of people do it when they don’t even want to! Anytime I was tired or didn’t feel well – I would pray it meant that I was pregnant. Everyone told me – “Oh, just don’t stress out and it will happen”. Well guess what, it didn’t. And – everyone else was getting pregnant – all of our friends. Everywhere I looked there were pregnant ladies. There were times I would cry every time I saw a pregnant women – or heard someone complaining about being pregnant. Don’t get me wrong – I was so happy and excited for our friends – but there is also envy and anger that comes along when others have something you want so badly.
So after almost 2 years of trying my doctor suggested I go to see a fertility specialist – they call themselves “reproductive endocrinologists”. (She also suggested we try 3 rounds of Chlomid – so we did that also – yeah, that was not so much fun. I felt foggy all the time! Didn’t work anyway! ) So, after doing some research , we settled on a doctor and off I went. For some reason, Jason could not make it to my first appointment - I was terrified, depressed and just sad to have to be there. However, the doctor (and his staff) were great. He was reassuring and confident that he would be able to figure out our issues and did not speak down to me. So, lots of tests and blood work later – we found out that we did, in fact, have fertility issues. Now there were things to talk about and decisions to be made. We finally decided to go ahead and give the fertility treatments a try for a few months to see what happened. The next few months would turn out to be some of the most difficult of our marriage “so far”, but also some of the best – but more on that later. After 2 rounds of treatment – I got pregnant! I was very luck – many people have to try much longer. After the first trimester - My pregnancy was pretty normal – a few issues here and there but nothing major. Then, on Dec. 22, 2007 our son was born. Our lives would never be the same in the most wonderful and amazing way.
The story of Ethan – part 2…
I am pretty sure most of you don’t want the details about our issues - so the “light” version is that I have “distressed mucous” - so (simplified) – the sperm just were not getting where they needed to go. Also – Jason’s swimmers are slightly on the slow side – though that itself would not cause an issue. How did we figure this out you ask? Tests, lots and lots of tests. But, once we knew what was wrong – we could move forward. Our first “step” was to try medication and IUI (Intrauterine Insemination). The first month – I was on quite a cocktail of medication – but none of the “heavy duty” fertility meds. This process is all about timing – and when I went in it was “time” to start the meds and we did not have time to get the other ones. Then next weeks were a blur of meds, doctors visits, and Ovulation testing. Once I had a positive ovulation test – off to the dr. I went for the procedure. Then we had to wait….2 weeks….seriously??? Anyway, the test was negative…did not work. We were devastated.
The article talked about how these couples were hiding their treatments from their families because they did not want anyone else emotionally invested in the process. I kinda understand that – I made Jason call everyone and tell them it did not work. We were not going to have a baby. I just could not handle having to tell everyone that new. The article also talks about treatment not working being as sad as losing a loved one….while I am not sure about that. I was devastated. I will never forget sitting in Jason’s lap in our Lazy boy and just crying. Why didn’t it work? Why us? He was devastated also and would have done anything to make me feel better (looking back that would have been the perfect time to ask for a new car or a vacation ;0)) Anyway, we had to decide pretty quickly if we wanted to do this again the next month. After a LOT of discussion – we did.
This time included more medicine and all of the heavy fertility meds. (Getting these meds is another funny story I will have to tell you at a later time). Anyway, during this round I was on about 15 different meds ranging from baby aspirin and garlic to twice daily injections. I had to go to the Dr. every other day to check my “egg growth”. When I finally ovulated it was back to the dr. for another round of insemination. (It is funny, this time Jason and his sister were on the way to a memorial service – so I can always tell Ethan that his Aunty Pumpkin was in the waiting room when he was conceived) Another 2 week wait…..brutal. Then, finally, two weeks after the procedure I went for the blood test – and took the day off work to wait. Jason came home at noon so we would be together when we heard. While I will never have a story about taking a pregnancy test – I do have the story of the nurse calling us Mommy and Daddy Sinykin! POSITIVE!!!!
The “fun” was not over…for the first 3 months I was on Progesterone and heparin shots (2x a day) to make sure that little Ethan’s new home had plenty of hormones and blood flow to keep him happy! With the exception of some VERY early ultrasounds and a few minor issues at the end – the rest of my pregnancy was normal. We had our little Ethan .
I'm back....
Hey there to the few of you that follow this blog ;0) The last few months have been a blur...but I am back (or I have good intentions). The next few blog posts are a little different than usual ;0)
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