Take two?
Ethan is 3 ½ - so everyone wants to know when we are going to have more kids. Yeah, I would like to know also. While it was never very likely that we would conceive without intervention – we have been trying for over 2 years. We have not used any preventative measures since Ethan was about a year old. Well – obviously no luck. So, we are at a crossroads of what to do next. Only child? Back to the fertility dr? Adoption? And let me tell you – everyone has an opinion ;0)
Only child- not my favorite option. I would love for Ethan to have a little sibling. I don’t “feel” that our family is complete. That being said – I would be fine if it was just the 3 of us. We have a good thing going.
Fertility dr - Yes, it worked the first time. However - That is no guarantee that it would work again – or so quickly. Insurance does not cover most of this expense – and it is EXPENSIVE. (Each “round” of the drugs alone was about $800 and that is the European price – not the cost of buying it in the US. ) As I said, we were lucky and got pregnant on the second month – many people do not. Also – there is the chance of high order multiples. (Think John and Kate Plus 8)
Adoption – I am adopted so I always said that I wanted to adopt a child. I have zero doubt about loving or having our family love an adopted child just as they would a biological one. However, money is a real issue – adoption ranges from $15,000 to $30,000 or more). And…there is also no guarantee that we would place with a child. So……
I get so tired of people telling me that a child would be “worth any amount of money”. Yeah, I get that – that is really not the issue. We just don’t have that kind of money lying around. Yes, there are loans out there and some grants – but we would not qualify for many of them because we do already have one child. It hurts my heart when people think that we have not started either process because we don’t want to spend the money – right now it is just about figuring out how we are going to get the money. Most people don’t have to choose between a retirement account and starting a family. We don’t know what path we are going to take. We are weighing options, talking, researching and PRAYING. Yes, we are 34 (and 33) – but we still have time – we are not that old!
Venting and thinking. (AKA My two cents)
Infertility sucks. If you have not dealt with it – you don’t get it. Period. Just like I don’t understand things I have not gone through – you don’t either. Being told that your basic “lady” parts don’t work right sucks. I would like a refund of the years of condoms and birth control pills!!! Drugs and shots and tests and hormones and all of that sucks. Don’t tell me that you had to try for “x” months before you got pregnant. You got pregnant didn’t you?
Infertility is hard on a marriage. Finding a way to pay for it is hard (many people get 2nd or 3rd mortgages, deplete savings, cash out IRAs etc. to pay for this) Having to make love at a certain time takes the spontaneity out of your life – ‘cause you have to do it even if you are not in the mood, or if you are sick, or if you are mad at the other person …you don’t want to “waste” that money or that months worth of drugs. There are hormones (ok, that was me) and blame and wondering. I am lucky – Jason never once said anything that was not 100% supportive…he never outwardly blamed me. Maybe he did in his head – but that never was spoken. I am lucky – our marriage is stronger now. This showed me what an amazing man I married and what we can handle. (He got up at 6:30 every morning to give me my shot ;0)) He kept track of my apts. So he could be there, he knew what drugs I was on etc. It mad us have hard conversations that we may not have had if we would have gotten pregnant right away, on our own. He was truly my partner in the experience and I believe that made us better.
I (still) have to bit my tongue when people CONSTANTLY complain about being pregnant – you know what ? I would give anything to be in that position. I still get jealous when people around me get pregnant. Esp. those “fertile myrtle” types who don’t even have to try! I hate it when people ask me if we are going to have more – b/c then I have to spell out the whole story for them. Then I have to hear how worth it it is. Yes, I know that. Trust me, I do. I get mad a God sometimes. I get mad at my uterus sometimes. And, some days I am glad I only have one boy running around. Do I want to go back to work full time in order to save money to pay for this – I don’t know. Do we want to adopt? Do we want to go back to the dr? I just don’t know. We have had some great conversations about it lately – but I still don’t know.
I believe that God has/knows the plan. I believe that all things happen for a reason and in the perfect timing for God’s plan. I would not take back our experience for anything. I am glad I had the experience of being pregnant - It was perfect. If we have another member of our family someday – that will happen in it’s perfect way also. I just have to remember that. It is about our journey – not anyone else’s.
